i hope maple syrup coats your lungs

dear lady who called me boy in your mexican accent,

i am not a boy. i am a man. i am an electrician. i have a toolbelt.

just because you didnt know my name as i worked under the giant tv that you wouldnt let us move, you dont have to assume i am a young boy.

and yea, i had no idea what you meant when you said "tv ok?" remember when i asked you "what?" and "what do you mean?" and you just kept asking "tv ok?" and i was already working under the tv you wouldnt let us move. to be polite i simply said that it was ok, assuming you were asking if i wanted to move the tv.

but no. you just wanted to watch tv. and blast it. as it was inches over my head. it doesnt help to watch some annoying kids program as the tv is inches from my head and i have to concentrate on not getting electricuted

and besides, i know you speak somewhat good english and that you understand what i'm saying because i heard you talk to those other dudes that were working at the house. in fact, i heard you flirting with those same dudes. what the heck mexican lady. what the heck

seriously what the heck

dear lady, you suck. your rude, hope i never have to work for you ever again

he has jokes

what do you call a kids television program where the host solves crimes but is hindered by his alcohol abuse?

booze clues

what do you call a kids television program where the host is a breast implant surgeon but to complete each surgery he has to solve crimes?

boobs clues

what do you call a kids television program where the host drinks mountain dew all the time but to get his next fix he needs to solve crimes?

dews clues

what do you call a kids television program where the host is actually a band that solves crimes before they play every show?

muse clues

what do you call a kids television program where the host is a homosexual crime solver?

gay clues

what do you call a kids television program where the host is always misplacing clues to all the mysteries they need to solve?

loose clues

i dont reveal much about myself in my posts

and thats not going to change anytime soon

to all you avid readers out there
and all those rappin mystery st. clair's
annd all the papers with all the letters
and the tapers of the cod of capers
listen to me as i lay it down once
caught in the heat that i cant make nice
when is the time, the right time the wrong time
shoot it in the air with a troll on a knoll
a grassy knoll of cotton candy and elephant hair

wistle me a tune as i ride down this caramel covered mountain
wistle me a tune topped with fudge and anecdotes
i'm leavin tonight with toby and cameran
so get the knees in the air this will be flav - a - full

rocky and bullwinkle fall from the sky
but this candy rock still forms in my heart
so what can the weatherman/woman tell me that i dont already know
life is good till i ignore it

peace to the middleman

pick an apple, put it in your pocket

i could never win the tour de france because i'm to scared to put my hands above my head while riding my bike

usually the sound of crickets calms me to sleep. but last night the sound of 25 crickets fighting for life against a skunk gecko kept me from sleeping well

i'm unusually stoked about recieving my super nintendo in the mail. i bought this game called uniracers, where you race unicycles. yea, i know how to party

i stared a dog down at this one house i went to the other day. we were both frustrated at each other and couldnt express ourselves through normal communication. no other option but to lock eyes and never flinch

life kinda sucks sometimes, but life also rules alot of the time. we just dont pay attention all that much

i eat healthier now, but that doesnt help how much i lose my breath when going up stairs. more apples maybe

i thought for almost 2 years that i came up with the band name "duran duran"

i have a show this saturday, anyone want to go? eh eh?

i'm the king of balancing on a wheel chair. please challenge me. asky randy crafty

and to think i'm an electrician

i sometimes think what captions would look like from the radio. i think they would look like this
:alright well that was a our friends jovi coming up next with their big hit is the foo fighters from their last hit single the fray coming up next stopping by will be big poppa thats right our friend big jo jo thompson mik shavin gerder:

when can we start making fun of people who love transformers

sometimes i think janis joplin is some kind of sports athlete hero like tiger woods or brian boytano

i did some lighting work for a guy that did this the whole time

all i wanted to do was try it

there's always that little kid that thinks he can break dance, and somehow people believe it for a little bit. then they realize doing the "worm" over and over isnt dancing

why do sax players in wedding bands always make their solos so ridiculous. hey saxist, you dont have to play that loud, and on that note, dont hit that one note. it doesnt sound good. move on. stop playing it. its annoying. no one wants to hear it. please

girls regret those nasty arm tattoos that they got when they were drunk or dating that one tatoo guy when someone they know gets engaged. that lion and cub in the sunset isnt coming off your arm girl, and there's a very slim chance you can cover up that tribal arm band with make up

toasts at second marriage receptions are just very awkward to me

rappers are always in the club

the extreme camera guy taking extreme pictures from extreme close angles of the crappy break dancing kid

same kid always gives away his "best moves" on the first song

when the hell did people start playing coldplay songs for reception dance parties

i never really know when my own butt crack starts

dreaming when i was napping

just wanted to explain this dream i just had really quick

so me and my family went to a gas station market that served ice cream when we were on vacation in the middle of the desert

i saw the ice cream part when i came in, and it was the a magnificant thing. i wanted ice cream so bad, but i had to go get some other things first

1. drill bits
2. an energy drink
3. shoes

then my family left but ange had gotten me some. it was a custom blend

i took a bite, and i swear this was the combination of taste

chocalate chip cookie dough (CCCD)
blue gushers

i was pissed, but satisfied. that just goes to show

1. dont trust sisters with ice cream
2. dont be distracted by more necessary purchases when ice cream is in the bicture
3. always have ice cream in the house in case you wake up from a dream with a creaving (dangn't)

sunkist during a wedding

this is my opinion, but i think i'm right so i'm going to go for it

1. children should not be brought to weddings
a. no reason for them to be there (they arent going to remember)
b. they always make noise (farts/burps/cries/laughs/giggles/yells/holla's)
c. they are always moving because they are never comfortable because they are always annoying

2. poems during weddings are NEVER GOOD NO MATTER WHO WROTE THEM
a. seriously, never meaningful because reading a poem is gay
b. listening to a poem sucks
c. poems are totally cheese

3. if you have your wedding outdoors, dont do it on 95 degree weather day
a. everyone hates sweating, so during your wedding everyone is just thinking "its so hot, this sucks" instead of "wow this is pretty emotional"
b. the sun is always somehow in everyones eyes
c. no one likes the sweaty pits

these things had to be said. but also these things

1. my mom was crying before she even got out of the car to walk up to the wedding
2. there were goats within a stones throw of my seat
3. i danced alot at the reception. this is a big deal.

making lists mean your right

lets just experiment on the vegans

my new driving game: if i see someone driving and texting at the same time, i will pull out a fog horn (because my current horn was lost in off roading incident #27), honk and weave at them. i predict i can get at least one cell phone tossed out the window by the 3rd attempt

milk crates seem to always come in handy

there was a dog at this one house i worked at that had a growth hanging from his side about the size of a pickle. i named him "tumey"

i have a book on my nightstand by michael chrichton named "prey". i find its the best way to remind me to talk with God more

painting my room wasnt nearly as fun as everyone said it'd be

moving mattresses is always funny to me

of all the times i moved, the only ones i remember were the ones where it was raining. that just makes me think el nino struck every time my family wanted to relocate

fish flies and banana cream pies make los lonely boys sing and cry

strobing piranhas tackle bears maliciously in winter

blanket basket beaving understands negative corrosive responses

nokia shoots blanks in the dark

killer john travolta questionaire

i dont know why i forgot about this until a few days ago, but i decided to talk about it for a bit.

when i was in the ER for my lip (that guy that jumped me in the shower with a cleaver. reference article picture "local man fends off knife attack with teeth"), i was shown something that i totally thought was a joke and wasnt real

i bring you......the pain chart



oh yea. this is legitamate. the nurse asked me how much it hurt, and when i said "kind of alot, but not really", she felt it an appropriate time to wip out the chart

she gave it to me and i made alot of comments (but she couldnt understand because my lip was the size for a delicious strawberry)

alot of my comments were sarcastic, but the train of thought went like this


whats this

are you serious. well i dont feel better than those 3 for sure, so i'm probably that guy

but my pain isnt that bad. so i'm going to have to say my pain level number is about here

so...what. is this what i look like

i'm a somewhat frown face, maybe a little smug, with a 3 - 3.1 rating of pain

but my eyebrows are way bigger than that

here's your chart back. i didnt know a 5 year old could draw all 10 levels of pain. was this made the year before he learned how to color?


after that, she sent me back into the lobby to wait. i guess my frown wasnt that bad. but if you know me, you know i can make a pretty crazy frown. it would probably be this on the chart

you walk into the ER with that face, good luck on NOT getting immediate medical attention

in reference to my last post

i let the jeep sit for a day

went outside and it started right up like nothing ever happened

my jeep heals

like i said it would

hold on to your butts...

ok

went off roading up saddleback mountain with
Tom and tom's new truck named taco
zam?
gabe and camera
andy and camera
Mark and marks truck and marks girlfriend (her names meagan(the GF))
Jeep and shelby and quad (yet to be named, any ideas?)

we found a little challenge (little but not that little) so i went up it

its hard to tell, but i made it

then i decided to go down it to see how crazy it would be. 1-10 scale of insanity, what do you think?




and i made it down

so we're comin down the mountain, i think mark missed this part because he had to go a little early, but i go up a side trail that led away from the regular trail. i realize suddenly that i dont want to be over here.

so i charge through the trees/bushes/rocks/wildlife to get back to the regular trail

everythings going fine until sam starts screaming. next second, jeep's front right tire falls in a 3 foot by 2 foot ravine, and my front bumber slams into the dirt side of the slope

and i'm stuck with a smashed front end


some dudes stop and help us out by jacking up the front middle of the car, i dig out the wheel, and 5 guys jumped on the back rocking it up and down till my wheel got up and out of the ditch from hell and i got back on the road

minor casuality - my front bumper was wrecked so i decided to custom fabricate my 4bi into a mean looking SOB


what do you think. better or worse?

all together a pretty extreme sunday afternoon

but my car isnt really running right now, so i have to go get it over to the mechanic.

dont worry, jeep will be fine. it's probably already fixed itself by the time i'm done posting this blog

snooze it or lose it

i use to sleep alot. now i dont. this has directly effected how unbelievably comfortable my bed is in the morning

i turn on the light to my room, turn off Amber the Gecko's light, take out the keys, wallet, cell phone, and whatever else that has found its way into my pockets, turn on the tv which already has jurassic park or Independence Day on a 24/7 loop, plug in the phone charger, turn on the fan, turn off my room light, 30 minute sleep mode on the tv, and go to sleep

i'm surprised that i've never had a dream about saving the world, fighting dinosaurs, or flying planes next to the president and will smith

i've woken up in the night trying to find my ringing phone. i find it on my bed and start talking, only to realize no one called, the phone never rang and i'm not even holding anything

i once thought a giant fat hamster was sitting in the chair in my room

i once thought there were cowboys digging for gold in the night in the atrium at my house, and one of them was holding a cup of coffee

i once thought a giant spider was eating my dresser (i know allison, spiders are scary)

i once thought a giant iguana was on my chest staring me in the eyes. but then i totally realized that was actually real (R.I.P. iggy)

animal names that i regret, here they are:
browny
iggy
stripey
mother
turtle
crazy legs
noodle
einstein
normal

its about time i wrote about this

this is not normally (normandy, no brandy?) my writing style, but i felt this story needs to be told in written format (floor mat, from matt?)

here it goes

a while ago when i worked at the hotel, (i worked at a hotel, ask me about sweet hotels) i met this girl named miranda in the cafeteria. a cute girl, seemed pretty cool, i got her number to hang out sometime. (which btw is a huge deal for me because i can never do that)

so she quits the hotel the next day and i call her and we're like "yea lets hang out"

she lives in san clemente is where she lives

i go pick her up at like, 9, and had nothing planned. (i didnt see it as a date, and i never really like to plan things). she said she wanted to go see this one movie. i thought it was a good idea, why not you know (y not u no, y not uno?)

but we decided to walk along the pier first. we walk and talk, and walk back and she points out where she works now. its a bed and breakfast that her uncle owns. its right there on the pier pretty much

next thing i know, people are yelling. two of her aunts and uncles were up on the roof getting slammed/wasted/drunk/sloshed/trashed/demolished. lots of alchohol

2 hours later i find myself sitting at the tables with the family realizing i had been there for the most unbearably awkward 2 hours of my life.

examples of what was said by the aunts to make it awkward -
"yea we're having sex in a while"
"your boobs are hot"
"that hot tub has done wonders to our sex life"
"i can totally see yor *bleeep* "
"dont get wiskey *beeeep* before we get to bed"

yeaaaa....holy crap so awkward. but it gets better. i decided to just sum up the following conversation by just writing what was said. you'll catch on who was who

"so luke. what the hell were you thinking taking my niece to the movies on a first date"
"uhhhh, well she wanted to go see that one movie"
"you cant talk in a movie, you probably just wanted to hook up. its a first date moron"
"well, it's not really a-"
"men are such idiots. all they want is action on the first date"
"well, no. i mean, this wasnt-"
"what do you do anyway"
"i work at the hotel"
"for how long"
"like, 2 years now"
"do you think that jobs going anywhere"
"well, its just a temp job really"
"my husband buys houses all the time. we have alot of money in this family"
"...cool"
"you think you can actually provide for my niece with some dead end job?"
"what, wait hold on"
"if you touch my niece tonight i will rip your balls off"

and it went on like that for 2 more hours

talked to miranda once after that. lets just say it didnt work out


so i was at bj's with my family sunday night and she was sitting at the table across from us facing me

if you know me, you know i love awkward. but come on

catalina shmatalina

pizza's in the oven cooking. but i've got to wait. i'm waiting for something thats already here

i got a haircut yesterday that i really dont like. its ok, not horrible, but not at all what i wanted. its like i went to get a crazy pirate ship tattoo, and the dude drew a monkey. i can live with it, but come on

if html was on a license plate, i would think
1. hotmail
2. hot male
3. hate mail
4. hate males

fires are pretty sweet to look at, but thats the end of the line for enjoying fires. if they effect your life in any way, they suck

i'm an electricians assistant now during the week. its pretty cool. my mom is glad that i got the job, but wont let me get a motorcycle. says its to dangerous because of other people on the road. which it is. but around 600 people die a year from electrocution accidents on the job, with 3,600 disabling injuries and 4000 normal injuries. 2,284 people died in 98 from motorcycle accidents, half of them were drunk, another portion was speeding, and half of the deaths were simply because someone wasnt wearing a helmet

i dont know how to not get electrocuted, but i do know how to -
1. not be drunk
2. wear a helmet
3. not speed

now all i need to do is win an argument with my mom

i met someone from the band bad religion. i wasnt stoked about this really, kind of like "this guy is famous i guess". but i was way more stoked to just talk about lost with him for an hour. that just made me stoked about lost, not bad religion

i also met the tour manager for korn. he was swedish i think. small mouth, and couldnt understand anything he said. cool tattoos though. i can understand that

oh yea, and korn was practicing in the next room. they had an emergency delivery of energy drinks. dudes came running in and everything. i could imagine the order
"korn is low on energy, and are kinda thirsty. what do you have to offer"
and the dude recieving the call had the perfect solution
and was so stoked about it

A little about my family

i noticed yesterday that my family doesnt know one basic fundamental asset of having a conversation

*if you are not in the same room when conversing, raise your voice*

it seems that at least once a day, someone tries to spark conversation, but walks right on out of the room without changing the volume of their voice

or i will hear a "luke..asdhf....mumble mumble mumble" from down the hall when i'm in the garage, or in my room. somewhat frustrating

i'll be in the kitchen, my mom walks by in the hall - "hey luke, can you make sure to do this and ....." thats where she has entered her bedroom and closed the door. and still continues to speak as if i'm right there

i'm in my room watching a movie, katelin (one of my sisters) walks by "mumble mumble Luke mumble asdhnk". why did i not understand? because she had already gone in the garage and started talking to me

trivial, yes, but i feel like my household should have captions at all time. just how i like to watch my movies.

The Goodwill strikes again (i also learned how to do links)

Well today me, Jared Slaybaugh, and Brad Owens went to the Goodwill to pick up an ironing board. see image



we started looking at movies and i came across a tasty treat



in this goldie, i have found great morals and a host of cameos

if you ever watch lost, then you might recognize the dude that drives the limo in the beggining of the movie

you should check it out

to work or not to work at starbucks

seriously

should i try and get a job at starbucks

extra cash, and something to do during the week when school is done

a bunch of my friends work there already

if not there, then any other suggestions?

also, should i get a vespa

decisions decisions decisions

its time to write, because its time to sleep

well, i'm just going to speak my mind as always, so here it goes

on the night i turned 21, i drove home at 1am eating chips and salsa, and drinking a diet coke while listening, wait actually, blasting DMB, from Biola College. I'll never forget seeing the open freeway and thinking "This kicks ass"

small fear of mine --- waking up to discover ivy had grown over my legs and chest

my friend dave can do handstands in the spa. sure its totally rightous, but spas are for relaxing, not aerobics

i misspell things alot, but i'm also really stubborn. the two never really conflict with each other. the two never really battle each other. my illiteracy never wars against my stubbornality

i used to clean carpets. one time i was cleaning a spot with a powerful acid on a rag, then shoved the rag in my pocket. it soaked through my jeans and chemicaly burned my thigh. i came to the conclusion that i needed to blame the chemical for being stupid and sneaky

i'll be going to sleep soon, but not before watching at least 30 minutes of ID4. (independence day)

sometimes i find that the solution to problems in my life are usually solved by the people that are already in my life, and i'm just kind of lame for not realizing it sooner. its always the best to trust God, but sometimes you need to put faith in your friends to keep the trust in God. a conversation goes miles, but dishonesty ends up nowhere

my jeep is covered in mud. its been a week. i catch people staring at me and shaking their heads. i love spiting people (spiting - to spite). so i might just go another week as long as tom, andy, taylor, gabe and ryan hodge stop drawing swasticas, racial slurs, male genitalia, and cus words on all my windows in the dirt

jim jam jamin jupiters i'm off to bed

God gave me a birthday present

today, well actually yesterday, well actually today, God straight up gave me a birthday present

and i dont mean like, oh God gave us all a birthday present by dying on the cross, kind of present

for the past few days i've totally been stressing about money. i dont have any, and i need alot...like right now. lots of bills

before trying to go to bed saturday night (which proved unsuccesful because i didnt sleep a wink) i finally gave up and asked God to take care of it. i was tired of worrying about the money sitch

after a long night, sunday came with no money to my name, no soon to be arriving paychecks, an empty gas tank and a ton of stuff to do. so naturally, i put it on credit and just prayed that i get money before overdrafts

i'm up at 5, work till 12, go home and eat, leave at 1 and go pick up stuff for this show i was doing sound for at Biola, which i totally thought i was just doing a favor for someone(later found out i was getting paid). i get there and set up and do the show. then tear it all down. done at 1230, right into my 21st birthday. me and this dude chase celebrate

then the dude mitchel (got me to do this whole thing) walks up and gives me a check that covered my gas there and the overdraft fee

It was almost like i heard him laughing when i saw the check, and my jaw dropped

happy birthday to me

Telling it how it is it is

if i leave the sliding glass door open in my room, turtles sneak in

i have a gecko in my room and on my arm. they both have names. i name geckos

i take up as much of the intersection as possible when i make u-turns just so i know i'm right when someone gets mad at me. i'm making a u-turn, i can do whatever i freakin want

one of my teachers raises the pitch of his voice when he turns to the whiteboard. i think he means to get louder, but it doesnt really happen like that. since he moves so slow (i think its because he's focusing on his voice) its like some kind of vocal roller coaster

i dont find anything funny about lightbulbs. so why are there so many jokes about them

a man's in the market, a terrorist leaps over the aisle, lands in front of him, and yells "i'm attacking you". an eagle then soars down, grabs the terrorist and feeds him to her newborn babys. the end

my credit card has an eagle on it. no one's ever stolen it either. what does that tell you? eagles bite thieves and thieves hate justice

mouse pads. gross

punch punch kick kick punch punch kick punch
someone tell me honestly if they remember that game and no its not some fighting game

listen to the following bands:
spill canvas
as tall as lions
watashi wa
cursive
the owls

movies to watch:
the prestige
blood diamond
the departed
the great labowski

"pick your battles, not your nose. unless you really need to" - Luke St.Hilaire