hospital trip #2

here's a text message conversation from today. you can probably tell which one is me

+hahahahaha oh man i have a story for you
-haha uh oh
+yea uh oh. you bet your booty uh oh
-haha crap
+lets just say this - blood everywhere
-...yours?!
+...yea
-Luke?! What did you do
+attics can be very dangerous
-Luke you stop bleeding this instant
+ hahahahaha i'm sorry i cant. i'm hoping the doctor will help with that. Btw- driving yourself to the ER is so wierd
-Luke! You should not be driving!
+ to late i'm here. ok i've got to go
-ok ok. Be ok! Be ok!

today, for the first time ever, i read a first aid guide and followed action steps

i'm still amazed by how much i laugh when i'm in an contact with anything medical in any way

as i was getting the stitches, i was giving the doctor advice on his various electrical issues

my knee is like a little football


i'll post pictures when i take this bandage off later tomorrow

yep definitely still single

sometimes i have this strange suspicion that a potato is just cow poop and everyone is playing a giant prank on me

i could build a bunk bed if i wanted to, tom!

so to recap my friday of fun.....

+i'm on my way to see a private john mayer concert, my parents are saving me a seat, i'm late, i need a namm badge to get in but i dont have one and its to late to remedy that, and i'm still stuck in traffic. and i havent even had any doritos today+

so now that your caught up, lets finish this trash

i finally get off the freeway by exiting harbor (which is the correct exit, this is a rare thing for me), and start heading towards the show. but oh hey, look at that, more freakin traffic. worse than the freeway. super craptastic.

example: i'm at a stop light, two cars are in front of me. they decide to turn left instead and dont make it, and with that ignorant action have simultaneously stopped all cars in that lane, specifically me, and i cant get around them, and cars are going by to fast for me to dart around. i got an opening right as the light turned yellow, and man did i give them one heck of a "yousuckyousuckyousuck" glare

my mom texted me = hey luke, just come to the show and we'll just see if you can get in without a badge

good news. i go to my perfect unusually close free parking spot and head over to the show. my mom tells me to meet her in the lobby (mayer is singing his little heart out in a small ballroom at a hotel. he does that i guess)

i get to the lobby, filled with people. tons of people. cant stand in one place without getting pushed around. ridiculous. i say to myself, out loud, "you should probably just call her luke, seriously good luck finding her. then you should find a bathroom....soon"

oh even better, no cell reception. at this point, i'm almost convinced that God doesn't want me to see a john mayer concert tonight. so i start seeing if there's anything else i could do since i'm there. i look around and see 2 trombone players soloing with a jazz band, and it sounded like two manatees trying to pass a kidney stone. on the verge of throwing the closest thing in reach, my little mom pokes her head around the corner

so here we go, up the escalator. a gruesome sight. literally maybe 2 hundred people in line to see our mayer buddy. my mom, with the utmost confidence, walks right past everyone. i hear some random comments

*what the heck?*
*what are they doing?*
*hey you have to wait in line!*
*i like that guys jacket, its so nice*

after adjusting my coat a little bit, we get to the front and my mom pretty much pulled some magic "mom strings" and got me in. she escorted me to my seat, and in a room of about 250 people, phil keaggy along with several other artists opened for my man john

then he came up, sat down, and sang to me, my parents, and a few other people in the room

it was fantastic

and all the horses and all the kings men, couldnt get me an extra namm badge

yesterday my mom texted me at work while i was working at my job at work, and asked me if i wanted to go see this little guy named john mayer.

let me explain some things.

1! - every year there is a convention at the anaheim convention center called "namm"
http://www.thenammshow.com/

2! - my parents go every single year, and this year was no exception

3! - you cant just buy a badge, its kind of hard to get in

4! - they have private concerts every year for nammies that only allow nammies

5! - i have a badge every year

6! - its happening this week, thursday through sunday

with that understood, my mom was actually inviting me to a private concert that he was having for all nammies. so yea, i said yea to my mom on the phone i told her i would go

some more fun facts

1! - didn't have my badge yet, have to pick it up from will call, i'm still at work and its 445, will call closes at six, i still have to go home and change. ah! so i run home, or drive actually, and change and set my course for the namm show

2! - traffic blows. friday afternoon, 5 o'clock going north? i'm not some traffic predicting genius, how was i supposed to know. turns out most of the traffic was some teenage girl sitting in her not-running car in the middle lane without her hazards on. you should have seen that glare i gave her, oh man she was put in her place

3! - i still don't have insurance. thats goal number 2 for today. so i'm stop and go traffic, and some looser runs into me. i look in my mirror and he's just covering up his mouth shaking his head. it hit my car pretty bad, but i just didn't want to deal with this right now.

and apparently neither did he. he took off in the next lane making a run for it. now there is no way that someone is going to get away like that in my book, and i have an all terrain vehicle, so i set my sights and chased that little tard with all my driving skills. he was no match and i got him to pull over in minutes.

but it didn't take minutes, it took like, 30 minutes just to get over because of traffic. finally we're in a parking lot and i get out and this was my conversation with him

"hey whats the deal man"
"i'm so sorry! oh my gosh, i am so sorry! i just put on my brakes and slid into you!" (does slide motion with arm)
"ok, well lets see what you did" (i look at my tailhitch and look at his front bumper. nothing on my car, a bit scraped up on his)
"oh my car is a piece of s***, dont worry about my car. are we cool? are we cool?"
"well there's no damage on my car, you don't care about your car, and i need to leave. you drive like an idiot, your so damn lucky that it was me you ran into because anyone else would be ruining you right now. get out of here and stop being retarded when you drive"
"thank you so much man oh my gosh thank you"
"yea whatever just stop running into people"

and i left

4! - oh look at that its freakin 615 and i'm stuck in traffic and i'm not even close to namm

ahhhh!!!!



to be continued.....

later today.....

time to set some standards

alright me and my friend dave, (please visit his blog soon, its a fantastic read) have decided to start investing some time and point out flaws in todays pizza buying culture

every time that pizza is involved in any situation where i am present, i will assess the situation and determine how successful the pizza selection is

so lets start off with what happened last night

got home from crave last night, and matt, tyler and kenzie had ordered pizza. lets see how they did

pizza brand: dominos
number ordered: 2
crust type: the original
parmesan cheese provided: yes
real pizza's (pizza with pepperoni): 0
others: 2
pepperoni percentage: 0%
other percentage: 100%
event grade: complete failure. f-

pizza without pepperoni = cheese pizza
pizza with sausage = pizza with pepperoni and sausage
pizza without pepperoni but with ham and lettuce = pizza with ham and lettuce
pizza without pepperoni but with ham, pineapple, sausage, bell peppers, jalapenos, onions, cucumbers and olives = immediate deportation out of america

if there was a slice of pepperoni pizza and a hundred cheese slices, you bet your booty that i'm eating only one slice of pizza

there is nothing foolish about carrying a cooler with emergency sticks of pepperoni to an event

alright here's what i want to know. whens the last time you ate pizza, where was it from and how many slices of pepperoni did you have

secret cleavage

turns out i'm horrible at guessing the age of young children

i said this one kid was 5, turns out he just turned 1

thought this one girl was 8, she was 3

sorry for being the youngest in the family and never ever ever dealing with kids ever

sorry banana, i tried

i dont like em. i dont hate them either

pros and cons of bananas

pro - easily the most fun you could have with a fruit
con - feels disgusting when your eating them
pro - bananas are funny
con - babies love bananas and love grossing everyone out by making a mess of it
pro - comes standard with sport grip
con - is it fuzzy? what is up with the texture of the edible part?
pro - essential ingredient in smoothies
con - essential ingredient in making me vomit
pro - throwing a banana at someone is always hilarious
con - the banana bits that were left over from our banana fight wont come off the kitchen cabinets

i feel like bananas are like the show happy days. i like the idea of it, but in all reality i really cant stand it. yea it was kind of funny, but honestly the show was totally lame, the only good points were;
a. the theme song
b. fonzie
c. weezers music video for buddy holly



no way someone would just ride around town jumping crap with their harley

maybe i'm being to harsh and i need to focus on the health aspects of a banana. if your thinking that, then i refer you to my article about a typical breakfast for me

jerk fonz always talking in third person, still in the top 3 best things about happy days

alright people, heres the deal
whats your least favorite fruit, and whats your least favorite nick-at-night show

just one thing

i woke up and wrote this on my window. it faces the street and all the other houses

if i had a camel, i would name it cameleeah (prounounced - "camel-lee-ah")

top 26 favorite letters

1. l
2. s
3. r
4. j
5. c
6. q
7. d
8. a
9. h
10. b
11. e
12. y
13. t
14. m
15. f
16. n
17. i
18. u
19. v
20. o
21. g
22. k
23. p
24. x
25. w
26. z

z sucks. you'll always be last z

just a little guy

just saw the glory of christmas. here are some things everyone should know

1. keep an eye out for that one rebellious horse that always poops on the way up
2. there is an animal that follows the baby camel that isnt real. it looks like a llama, but its a baby with poodle-esk fluffy hair. i'm calling it a "lloople" until someone proves to me its a real creature
3. a joseph look-alike is the one that scoots around the stage picking up the animal droppings. give him a thumbs up if you can, he has a tough role and needs our support
4. 50% of the people in this world will be terrified of the angels that fly above your head. i am one of those people. so heres a clue, if people start looking up, immediately scroll through the pictures on your cell phone. when you hear the song end, its safe to start paying attention again
5. that one song after "mary did you know" is sung by; a boy or a girl? good freakin luck
6. someone always trips. make a game of trying to guess who it'll be
7. if your a man and haven't seen it, and are about to, be forewarned - there is a butt load of ballet. keep reminding yourself of your unchallenged manhood and heterosexuality
8. it isnt over when Jesus is born. that happens like 4 and 1/2 seconds in so don't get up to leave. that old lady manning the isles will rip your eyes out
9. the kings are followed by a bunch of people carrying the most random assortment of crap. don't waste your time trying to make sense of it
10. make sure to have your camera with you after the whole thing is done, because you can get your picture taken with the roman soldiers

hey secret santa, here you go

this is my christmas list for my secret santa
if anyone thinks i want/need something else, you let me know

cd's
pedro the lion - control
pedro the lion - achilles heel
matchbox twenty - exile on mainstream
sigur ros - hvarf heim

ugraded memory card for that camera mom and bill might get me

3d doritos cooler ranch


any ideas anyone?

i'm just sayin, it evens out

and this is what i had for breakfast this morning





so what have you had this morning

God, its me, janet

sometimes when i walk into people's houses at work, i get to experience true 80's/early 90's photography at its best by simply looking on the walls. you know this era by the simple fact that hair takes up over 60% of the picture


we were working at this one house, and every time i walked into the room where the customer was, he would sigh. like a "i cant believe how much these guys are charging me and i'm so exhausted from working all day and i cant believe they're taking so much time i hope he notices this" sigh. i noticed this early and tested it constantly, and without fail it would happen. so one time i walked into the room realllll quiet and he didnt hear me coming, and i started working on something and he turned, saw me, and sighed. i'm on to your game sigh guy

church donut people, please dont judge me. these other two are friends. and i know i dropped that glaze, but havent you ever heard of the five second rule? and besides, like i said, its for a friend

ok fancy pants. your car changes color as you drive by because of some special paint. big deal. you picked the ugliest colors ever. purple and green? seriously? gross

you still suck at guitar no matter how good you are at a video game

every time i walk through home depot i say to myself over and over "i could need that"

i love that my mom still says "holy smokes!"

my mom wanted to look at christmas lights so we all got in the car and started driving. my mom took us to TBN then straight home after

someone was bugging me one day, and i was going to say "hey your driving me crazy". but then i realized thats a little extreme so i said "you drive me frustrated"

when my car is covered in mud from off roading, i automatically assume everyone on the road is jealous. i even give people a look back that pretty much says "you should've been there"

some guys i take serious tell me your a serious guy

at least once a week i mispronounce realty

today at lunch at work, we ran into the subway because the rain was pouring down so hard. we ate, and were walking to the van when johnny realized he locked the keys inside. we got in the back section with all the tools and attached a magnet to a long pole and barely snagged the keys. took 30 minutes but we got it. if anyone happened to be driving by the subway on avery and margarite, they would have seen two electricians screaming and jumping and fist pumping in joy. several high fives were given

drunk people are funny
drunk people at my house are funny
drunk people dancing at my house is funny
drunk people falling when dancing at my house is funny
drunk people holding my bed hostage when i want to go to bed at 1 am because i have work in the morning is not funny
but a little funny nonetheless

i walked to pavilions, found a deal on those big jugs of arizona iced tea. i grabbed 5 and was walking to the register with them all piled in my arms and saw every lane packed with people. i walked to the express lane and 3 people cut in front of me. i turned around and a lady let me go in front of her. i was in and out in 4 minutes. the way i figure it, if you look pathetic enough people will let you cut in line. i now live by that principle

never forget

the following seemingly useless powers could have really come in handy today

1. the super power to create a mix cd that i'll still like tomorrow
2. the super power to see if a lighting fixture is crooked the first time i put it up
3. the super power to not procrastinate on the things my mom tells me to do. i know mom, i need insurance
4. the super power to not be terrified of the rat skull that poked out of the hole i cut in the drywall
5. the super power to know where my tape measurer is at all times
6. the super power to identify a piece of medal as harmless or a razor sharp tool of satan


just to let you know, electrical tape is the electricians spider man band-aid

i put the skull in the office. your welcome pete

express my inner retail skills

lets just get down to brass tax here. i worked at express on friday for the first time. no training, no past retail experience. i didn't/dont even know how to properly fold those shirts. but they needed help on black friday and my room mate chase andre asked if i could come in and work. so i did. here's some scoops from the day

hi can i help you find something?
yes, do you know if you carry the wrinkle free MX1 button ups?
uhh..ooo....jeez....sssss (that hiss noise you make when you breath in) ....ummmm...yea...i...dont think so
.....you dont know. well can i talk to someone who does know?
yea sure-chase!- yea, i'll get someone over-chase!getoverherepleasechase- yea ill find someone


well what size would you wear?
well, personally i would probably wear the medium, but is the man your buying this for on the smaller side, or is he built pretty well?
well he is skinny but is muscular hahaha!
right. ok maam, then i would go with the medium
can you, can you hold this up to yourself?
yea sure, here
yea i like that. you look good in that
wait what
i like this, it brings out your eyes. hmmmm it looks good
wait what
yea i'll take that


hey luke, you can go on your 15
ok great
+stand around in the back room for 5 minutes+
luke, are you already done with your break?
yea. i was bored. i'll just keep working
when are you off?
no idea
when did you come in
8
when do you want to be off
dont care
your hired

i dont know if i'll ever work there again, but we'll see
but if anyone wants 30% off their express purchase, let me know. i'll hook you up. employee discount :)

merry thanksgiving

hey everyone
its november 22nd and you know what that means

means your mom is telling you to put up your christmas list



so i started thinking about what i want for christmas and my first thoughts were:
1. power tools
2. home depot gift card
3. groceries
4. independence day
5. soap

but lets think about this, thats what i need. what do i really want?
1. 8X10 bass cab
2. million dollars
3. high paying easy job
4. another copy of jurassic park and independence day
5. soaps



my young christmas lists looked alot like this
1. remote controlled truck or something really cool like that
2. tons of lame video games
3. doritos
4. skateboard stuff!
5. jurassic park on vhs

as a kid i would always shop around and find my mom the best prices, and where to shop because i thought that would help her save money or something like that. i would have my own budget and everything. but now that i think about it, i would pick like 12 things from 12 different stores that definately were not close to each other. my mom would probably see my list and think "jeez luke, your so freakin picky and you didnt even calculate tax stupid"

i'm always awkward when opening gifts because i dont express (i work at express come friday) joy very well, outwardly. i have to convince people that i liked their gift by reminding them for weeks that i use it everyday. i didnt know receiving a gift is so demanding

now back to eating left overs, merry thanksgiving everyone!

i'm inventing new ways to be retarded

alternater is out on the xterra. suck it nissan

i'm sick for various reasons, but probably one focused reason.

i took a shower in thirty seconds this morning, then ran down the stairs, grabbed my tools and jumped in my friend nikki's car (on account of stupid xterraz, she volunteered to bring me to work). the second i sat down in the car, i realized how obnoxiously sick i was/am. riding in the workvan, on the way to our first job, i puked in the trashcan we keep between the seats.
got to the house, could barely stand. the guy i was working with said i should go home. but i was in tustin

i have one hell of a room mate and friend
tom came all the way out to tustin and picked me up without asking for anything
got home and slept till 4pm
woke up and ate the following things in this order
1. ruffles ranch chips
2. french bread pizza
3. more chips
4. mountain dew
5. water
6. orange
7. apple
as you can tell i started becoming intelligent near the end

now i'm watching discovery channel and science channel because its the best way to make myself feel like i'm still being productive as i sit on the computer thinking about how much stuff i can't do

i'm going a little insane

catch this, tom hanks

there are only a few feelings stronger in my life then my love for vanilla coke

i was at work the other day and watched a pool cleaner for a good 10 minutes. if the guys knew i was doing this, they'd probably get a little pissed. but i was fascinated by how relaxing it seemed to just brush the bottom of a pool with an abnormaly long brush

i dont care what that commercial says, visa is not faster then cash

crows are the road runners of orange county

there are two types of bassist - the ones that play and the ones biased against people who play bass

my porch is disgusting. its messy, dirty, wrappers and bottles everywhere, a wheelchair just hangin out along with my mountain bike and two speakers that are pretty big and blocking the doorway. we are officially the white trash of ladera ranch and it feels great