i needed inspiration for this blog so i freakin kicked on Audioslave. specifically the track gasoline. specifically freakin sweet. yeaaa!!!!
the theme is obviously burning gasoline with no actual metaphor behind it, which i identify with because i set ablaze billions of barrels of gas in my backyard as i dance with a giant can of cactus cooler that talks like fred savage
i dont like LA because i get lost easy there. if i am not automatically completed familiar with standard streets in a new area then i refuse to acclimate
i started a new job that rules. i install crazy stuff and make houses super sweet. the actual job description is; "go to people's houses and install crazy stuff and make their house super sweet, and don't forget to kick ass"
our insane beeper bird named pedro just received a big mirror from us, his (maybe her? freakin a-sexual birds) owners which means us. ever since then, it has made a weird noise as it stares into the mirror. i feel like it's trying to mate with the mirror, which means it's in love with the image which means it's in love with him/her/itself. which therefor means i have a homosexual, possibly a-sexual, and absolutely unknowingly conceited devil bird. freakin cocktails....cockatails....cockotails? freakin birds and their uncontrollable conceit
ehhhh gotta get in the shower
later pollos
-ellvis luke peter vincent saint hilaire of bel air lines
yea yea yea!!! yeaaaa!! 7yyeaea
some of my thoughts about pigeons
first of all, i didn't know how hard it was to spell pigeon till i spent the past 5 minutes trying to figure that one out. i wonder if adam also got to choose how to spell the animals name. if so, what a jerk. llama? serious? come on adam
there are a few select pigeons out there that want to be vultures. you will typically see them away from the pack, up high, but not to high, looking down on you looking solemn. but in it's head, it is so stoked
pigeon by itself= sometimes cute, unscary
pigeon in swarm=freakin terrifying, hide
pigeons with one leg don't bob their heads like normal pigeons. but they will still poop on jesse's hat if they get a chance, which makes them as annoying as every other bird on the earth
manchester united vs chelsea
why have i not written anything in a while. good question. but here's a better question; how do you fix mac powerbooks for free
so here's my letter to my mac
dear powerboss, (that's his name)
we had a really good relationship, and i miss you. i miss being able to listen to my favorite matchbox twenty song while browsing the fantastically fast internet. your keys were comforting and i miss your garage band beats. they always seemed original and creative (even though every mac had them). remember that time i was writing a blog, and i accidently wrote "boobey force" and you pointed it out? we laughed and laughed, i was in tears, and you were rofl-ing. your suggested book marks were always a great help, and i felt like we learned something new about each other daily. we were doing good powerboss
than i woke up and your stupid screen is all stupid white and everything works but i can't see crap on your stupid screen you stupid computer stupid head.
RIP powerboss
-luke
lets do this
i was working around the house today and i smelled a fire. i walked outside and santi could smell it, along with sam and jesse. the people here could not smell the fire. i realized californians have a 6th sense for when there's a fire
i helped cook dinner the other night again. i made chicken, well i didn't make chicken. there are so many fried chicken places around here, and every single one of them looks so good. kabab places look freakin delicious to. they have a giant rotating slab of meat that they carve off of for the meat, and i asked what kind of meat it is. the guy said "it has some lamb in it" and he stopped talking. i asked what else might be in it, but he just stared at me. it tasted pretty good
i saw 2 dudes doing wheelies on vespas the other day. i couldn't help but yell, i was so stoked. what else did i yell out of joy in the past few days?
1. getting ice cream things at the store that were sooo good
2. walking outside today and not having to wear jackets
3. hearing the ice cream truck drive by, me and sam yelling out of our bedroom window
4. finally having clean clothes again
5. finding out my mom might be sending me pringles today
6. i don't have to cook dinner tonight, first time in days
7. being comfortable on my bed
8. i still laugh when i look at that last post i did
the kids have school uniforms
today, an old man was sitting next to us on the tube, smelled pretty foul actually, and he looked familiar. sure he was wearing gray sweatpants, and about 16 different types of various jackets, and a green beanie, but when he spoke i realized. the guy was where the lucky charms leprechaun would end up and act like when he's retired, drunk, and hates the kids that sit next to him on the tube
i knew i recognized him
alright here we really go
this how my day really was
freakin get on the tube to find my old friend josh's church. all i knew was the address. 1a kennington road. and it was a coffee shop at a church. no big deal right?
first of all, there are 4-5 different types of kennington road. ex - kennington, kennington road, kennington drive, kennington avenue, kennington circle. plus the fact that there is a kensington road very close to kennington road. so thanks london
me and sam walking around. but i have my turtle neck so i'm fine. but i look up
its going to rain
so we're trying to find this place, and we are literally taking the tube, looking at maps, and walking around for about an hour before it just starts pouring rain. so we're lost, and now its even hailing. we are laughing, because it's funny, but what the heck london.
then a cop drives by and hits a puddle and drenches us in puddle water, as it's hailing. thanks london
more on this day tomorrow. my room mates are pissed that i'm still up typing and it's 3 am here
later pollos
about to sleep
walked around london today. realized something; its not cold enough to wear 2 jackets, but it is cold enough to regret not wearing 2 jackets
went to an art museum. my favorite part was walking up to a couch almost full of people and asking if that seat is taken. then just passing out for half an hour. woke up to sam santi and jesse being jealous. yea, i come up with the good ideas
"ew luke, dont wear a turtle neck, its not even that cold out"
fine i wont
*brain says* - what are you thinking, its going to be freezing. put that thing on now
no its fine, it wont be that cold
*legs say* - yea no big deal
*chest says* - we dont need a turtle neck. this deep v will do just fine
yea brain, geez
----6 hours later------
*chest says* - luke your an idiot
why is it so cold, blimey
*brain says* - yea! huh, well look what you did. turtle neck looks kind of cool now huh? idiot
*legs say* - man im so tired and cold and tired. go to that couch and rest, those people wont care
this v neck is really not warm at all
*brain says* - told you so told you so
*legs say* - what are you even doing in an art museum
art is stupid
*brain says* - your stupid
*shelby says* - your all stupid. wear more turtle necks
taste the semi-authenticity
i'm in london. weird
everyone smells fine getting on a 10 hour plane ride. about 6 hours into it, the odor gets a little out of hand. 9 hours into it, your sitting on the floor in the lavatory listening to your ipod shuffle until the stewardess asks for a second time if your ok
even in london, kids still watching pimp my ride. even in london, pimped cars look stupid
freakin drivers here are out of control. small roads, cars parked on both sides, i still haven't seen a speed limit sign. ballzy red coats
listening to your shuffle while sleeping is cool and all, till it lands on limp bizkit. then you jolt awake and freak out that nerdy british dude reading star wars across the aisle from you
my elbows aren't meant for the aisle seat, because the beverage cart isn't meant to avoid my elbows when i'm attempting to get some freakin sleep
no i don't like the movie "ps i love you". but it was either that or "i am legend" in french with chinese subtitles. thanks airfrance for the terrific movie selection
pringles have that amazing power to make you feel at home no matter where you go
i'll probably regret this in the morning
its shocking how often i'll be in cvs and hear the theme song from beauty and the beast
i met my sisters new boyfriend last night. i meant to ask him a bunch of real tough questions, but i settled for these few. mercedes thinks i was being a jerk, but it was totally worth it
1. you have a job? you went to college? where? how long?
2. where do you live? why do you live with your sister?
3. what are your thoughts on moving in with your girlfriend before marriage?
4. what are your intentions with my sister?
5. are you 2 actually dating, or is this just hanging out?
6. do you go to church? why not?
7. what are your thoughts about sex before marriage?
i didn't make him answer that last one, i started just laughing way to hard
whatever i'm a brother. i'm allowed to ask these questions
elbow you into my life
the main reason why i love going to small shows is that it is a perfect breeding ground for unbearable awkwardness.
eg.- you see someone you know, you wave kind of, they see you but they smile but they might be looking at someone else, do you walk up? maybe you dont, but maybe they walk up to you, do you hug? maybe a small handshake. good luck trying to make conversation, but what the heck, you'll try anyways. oh you cant hear? well do you go outside, or was the only thing you were going to say was hello? then do you hang around them, or walk away?
its like a symphony of uncomfortable situations
every morning, without fail, a ball of lint will have formed in my bell button over night. and every morning in the shower, it escapes and runs down my leg and out of my life forever.
the other day i named it "cletus". every morning i've named the new guy
yesterday i yelled at fitzpatrick and told him to get out, and never come back. i stared him down as he headed down the drain
i feel like singing, i feel like dancing, i feel like boppin!! bop it, twist it, pull it
i don't care what corporate Honda says, it will always be the pond. emilio!!
no matter how many mints i eat, or how many pieces of gum i have, or the extensive time i spend brushing. if i burp, it was all for nothing
i love seeing someone get pulled over. especially for running red lights. oh man, if i see someone run a red and get pulled over, my week is complete
sometimes we work for people that i am certain have made up an accent. and why does she always have stuff to do in "lahuna beetch"?
i dont care about baseball
a long time ago, i went to a baseball game with...someone. i can't remember who, but i was there and the angels were playing and i kept trying to freak people out by waving my arms like that one kid in "angels in the outfield"
i kept walkin around because honestly, baseball is boring to me. i like the atmosphere and i like relaxing and hanging out, but i think i was with some lame people, which led to me making laps around the field
eventually it came time when i needed to pee. which is a normal thing to do in the life of a man. so i searched and found a bathroom
i walk in and there are probably 25 urinals in a row with no barrier in between. they are those ones that go to the floor (ladies, i know you wouldn't understand so you can just skip this part). guys you know what i'm talkin about. you could almost step into them
as an added bonus, i am completely alone in this bathroom. no one there and it's a big bathroom. clean too, which is odd. i'm at a baseball stadium, shouldn't there be chewing tobacco spit on the floor and spilt beer everywhere?
so i'm doing my thing (i picked the middle urinal because i like the space. in fact i love the space. i stretched my arms out to express how devoted i was to this space) and i hear someone come in
this next part is how i remember the conversation. i honestly don't know much about baseball, and what he was saying was complete gibberish to me, so i will "italisize" everything that he says
hey can you believe that double play? man, jimmy johnson really can turn that happenin around
...yea dude totally (i'm still in mid-pee)
yea after seeing that brush back from jimmy in that non existent strike zone, i couldn't believe he almost struck out that clean up hitter
....yea i couldn't believe it (this guy must be kidding, who the hell is jimmy?)
at this point the freakin guy pulls up to the urinal right next to me, and continues this completely ridiculous conversation
yea at first josh johnson had his foot in the bucket, but when the top of the 3rd, he really knocked the cover off the ball, and got that home run derby. so when he was up again, i was all mendoza line
...yea, one day he should really get that looked at (luke hurry up hurry up just finish already and get out of here)
yea nick johnson was completely off base when that fly ball right off the bat at the bottom of the 6th. i heard a bunch of rhubarb behind me about the call, saying it was foul
(done, thank heaven) its weird how that happens sometimes
(ok i may be in a rush, but i'm not gross. time to clean the hands)
hey, is elliot johnson coming up on the mound today or will it be that screwball russ johnson?!? hahahaha!!
you know what man, i really honestly have no idea, i don't know anything about....(whats this sport?)....baseball
hahaha yea your right, he's not coming up today after reed johnson parked his fastball in the 2nd. i turned to my buddy and was like "say it aint so joe!" hahahahaha!!
(this man is not listening to anything i'm saying)
alright man, i'll catch you later i guess
ok but check out the cat-bird seat air mail when baltimore chop basket catch blocks the plate that little wanker!!
...ok later
i just want to publicly announce that there is no chatting in mens bathrooms. and if by some chance, there has to be conversation, it has to be quick and with friends only
Babe Ruth wore a cabbage leaf under his cap while playing baseball, and he used to change it every two innings
just me and the ritz
i'm not overdramatic, doing sound for horrible bands really actually makes me want to shoot a harpoon into my mouth
loud keyboard amps are my new worst enemy. i will make a group solely bent to the end of them. we will have meetings, and patches on jackets
no matter what, if i'm on the phone with someone having a serious conversation and i hear them order food at a drive through, it's over
sometimes i want to buy those fake eyes that people need when they lose an eye, and leave them places. eg; attics, fast food restaurants, urinals, on top of blind dogs, outside of braille colleges, inside people's jacket pockets, cereal boxes, kids strollers
someone just proposed on stage at a local band night at the vault. she said yes, we all witnessed it. every couple in the room kissed each other. i kissed shelby
when i'm at work and i've got a bunch of stuff in my hands (usually a ladder) and i have to go through a door, i look around and see if anyone is close. but i don't ask for help, i just kind of stumble and look just completely pathetic. every time, someone comes running and opens that door. sure, i put my pride on the line, but whatever i'm not opening that door with all this trash in my hands
i realized about 2 weeks ago that everyday at work, i will somehow get a cut and bleed just a bit. sometimes alot, sometimes not that much. so i bleed just a little bit every day. i also have headaches. does this qualify me for midol
the stages to perfection
stage one
buy a 1986 pontiac fiero for $300
stage two
fix her up
1. pull out radiator, patch the hole and re-install
2. pull out water pump, replace with new one
3. flush out radiator and all hoses with water hose
4. replace battery
stage three
spray paint entire car flat black
stage four
add custom intake, and create hole in exhaust to create the loudest machine ever
perfection
oh yea this little guy
thoughts before getting my tattoo
sid's tattoo parlor in santa ana, chris did my work. this guy is a good dude
i'm freakin terrified, and everyone here is confirming that i should be
but it's going to look so sweet, and everyone here is confirming that it will
the smell of a tattoo parlor is like nothing else. its always a pretty relaxed atmosphere but smells like a sterilized room
the clock thats on the wall that says "arch mate! it be tattoo time"
so here it is. 1 1/2 hours later, and with the worst pain i've ever felt in my life, i got my outline done
take a hike
so after work yesterday, we decided to go for a little walk through the woods. after much hassle and senseless complications, tom, nick, santi, caleb and i piled into tom's truck and headed off to holy jim's trail in trabuco canyon. we heard a rumor that there was a stunning waterfall hidden in the wildlife
after tramping for about 45 minutes going back and forth over a semi small creek to try to find the end, we arrived
there was a small waterfall before, but the main one was a little bigger at a whopping approximate 16 feet high. kind of not worth it. but at the walk was fun to and from
not bitter towards couples, just no PDA around me today
from all the tv i watch, it seems that parachutes get people stuck in trees alot
frustration - high rise office building, glass windows. guy just finishes cleaning all the windows for the month. the feeling the guy in the one highest office feels when the bird flew by and pooed all over his window
i was at pavilions with my buddy johnny at work getting sushi for breakfast, and we were waiting in line when one of the employees bounced out from behind an aisle and said "no one waits at pavilions!" and led us to a checkout. cant stand that guy
i'm still debating whether or not to hunt down a pair of those glow light up shoes in a size 10 1/2
i'm not a hypocrite, i just change my opinion alot. it's america, i do what i want
i don't want to taste a rainbow, i just want those skittles. now
i took my stitches out last night. with my teeth. blindfolded. while installing a ceiling fan and fighting terrorists
seriously though, took them out last night. not even a big deal. i was actually going to pay someone to do it. pfff. no biggy. no biggy smalls
new found glory appreciation of hall and oats. listen to bitch girl, go here myspace.com/proudest_monkey and you'll get an earfull of it
i made pancakes this morning. first pancake wasn't that good, second was great, 3rd 4th and 5th were great. gabe finished half of 5 and all of six. pancakes go great with a glass of milk and a fanta. orange of course. jeeze who do you think i am
trip down memory lane
so i was reading old posts today, its weird that i still make myself laugh, and that it usually is the second try when i spell "weird" right
the cop in this crime show is named brown. he's black
i'm going to try to not get sick this week even though it feels like i walk into a sick ward every time i come home. i can fight this with my pal vitamin c and determination
i dont know if i ever publicly wrote this in the blog world, but i moved out of my mom's house last july and i've been living with a bunch of dudes in a town home in ladera. my daily diet has usually been chili, chips and soda. i eat fast food every day and just kinda hang out alot. life has pretty standard bachelor lifestyle. but times they are a changing
i'll explain later
fridays a good day for thinking
i'm at work texting for my friend john on his phone because he's driving and can't multi task because driving and texting is "dangerous" and "a danger to the company" or whatever my boss says, so i was doin the work. i was trying to text some random word, i can't remember and this word pooped out of t9
Crasmux
i did not recognize this word, so i started coming up with possible definitions in my head
-the process of cheek expansion when a squirrel has many acorns in its mouth
-that section of moisture that nerdy kid always had between his nose and upper lip
-that type of candle that doesn't really smell that great, so it's always left on the shelf, so they always just end up having them for years
-a type of glue derived from whale fat
-commonly accidently said when attempting to say "christmas"
if i owned fish, i would always struggle with determining when is "to big" to flush it down the toilet when its dead
i hate koi fish because they always seem so peaceful and hang out by you when you cruise by to say hey, but the second your hand is about to pet them, they take off and freak out
i think i have a secret developing battle with all crows everywhere. they are just so cocky, the way they just stand there on the street and take off at the last second, or not even move at all because they are on the curb and know you wont hit the curb to hit a crow, even if you have an xterra
and yes, i am listening to the best of the beastie boys
hospital trip #2
here's a text message conversation from today. you can probably tell which one is me
+hahahahaha oh man i have a story for you
-haha uh oh
+yea uh oh. you bet your booty uh oh
-haha crap
+lets just say this - blood everywhere
-...yours?!
+...yea
-Luke?! What did you do
+attics can be very dangerous
-Luke you stop bleeding this instant
+ hahahahaha i'm sorry i cant. i'm hoping the doctor will help with that. Btw- driving yourself to the ER is so wierd
-Luke! You should not be driving!
+ to late i'm here. ok i've got to go
-ok ok. Be ok! Be ok!
today, for the first time ever, i read a first aid guide and followed action steps
i'm still amazed by how much i laugh when i'm in an contact with anything medical in any way
as i was getting the stitches, i was giving the doctor advice on his various electrical issues
my knee is like a little football
i'll post pictures when i take this bandage off later tomorrow
