pick an apple, put it in your pocket

i could never win the tour de france because i'm to scared to put my hands above my head while riding my bike

usually the sound of crickets calms me to sleep. but last night the sound of 25 crickets fighting for life against a skunk gecko kept me from sleeping well

i'm unusually stoked about recieving my super nintendo in the mail. i bought this game called uniracers, where you race unicycles. yea, i know how to party

i stared a dog down at this one house i went to the other day. we were both frustrated at each other and couldnt express ourselves through normal communication. no other option but to lock eyes and never flinch

life kinda sucks sometimes, but life also rules alot of the time. we just dont pay attention all that much

i eat healthier now, but that doesnt help how much i lose my breath when going up stairs. more apples maybe

i thought for almost 2 years that i came up with the band name "duran duran"

i have a show this saturday, anyone want to go? eh eh?

i'm the king of balancing on a wheel chair. please challenge me. asky randy crafty

and to think i'm an electrician

i sometimes think what captions would look like from the radio. i think they would look like this
:alright well that was a our friends jovi coming up next with their big hit is the foo fighters from their last hit single the fray coming up next stopping by will be big poppa thats right our friend big jo jo thompson mik shavin gerder:

when can we start making fun of people who love transformers

sometimes i think janis joplin is some kind of sports athlete hero like tiger woods or brian boytano

i did some lighting work for a guy that did this the whole time
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all i wanted to do was try it

there's always that little kid that thinks he can break dance, and somehow people believe it for a little bit. then they realize doing the "worm" over and over isnt dancing

why do sax players in wedding bands always make their solos so ridiculous. hey saxist, you dont have to play that loud, and on that note, dont hit that one note. it doesnt sound good. move on. stop playing it. its annoying. no one wants to hear it. please

girls regret those nasty arm tattoos that they got when they were drunk or dating that one tatoo guy when someone they know gets engaged. that lion and cub in the sunset isnt coming off your arm girl, and there's a very slim chance you can cover up that tribal arm band with make up

toasts at second marriage receptions are just very awkward to me

rappers are always in the club

the extreme camera guy taking extreme pictures from extreme close angles of the crappy break dancing kid

same kid always gives away his "best moves" on the first song

when the hell did people start playing coldplay songs for reception dance parties

i never really know when my own butt crack starts