hospital trip #2

here's a text message conversation from today. you can probably tell which one is me

+hahahahaha oh man i have a story for you
-haha uh oh
+yea uh oh. you bet your booty uh oh
-haha crap
+lets just say this - blood everywhere
-Luke?! What did you do
+attics can be very dangerous
-Luke you stop bleeding this instant
+ hahahahaha i'm sorry i cant. i'm hoping the doctor will help with that. Btw- driving yourself to the ER is so wierd
-Luke! You should not be driving!
+ to late i'm here. ok i've got to go
-ok ok. Be ok! Be ok!

today, for the first time ever, i read a first aid guide and followed action steps

i'm still amazed by how much i laugh when i'm in an contact with anything medical in any way

as i was getting the stitches, i was giving the doctor advice on his various electrical issues

my knee is like a little football

i'll post pictures when i take this bandage off later tomorrow

yep definitely still single

sometimes i have this strange suspicion that a potato is just cow poop and everyone is playing a giant prank on me

i could build a bunk bed if i wanted to, tom!

so to recap my friday of fun.....

+i'm on my way to see a private john mayer concert, my parents are saving me a seat, i'm late, i need a namm badge to get in but i dont have one and its to late to remedy that, and i'm still stuck in traffic. and i havent even had any doritos today+

so now that your caught up, lets finish this trash

i finally get off the freeway by exiting harbor (which is the correct exit, this is a rare thing for me), and start heading towards the show. but oh hey, look at that, more freakin traffic. worse than the freeway. super craptastic.

example: i'm at a stop light, two cars are in front of me. they decide to turn left instead and dont make it, and with that ignorant action have simultaneously stopped all cars in that lane, specifically me, and i cant get around them, and cars are going by to fast for me to dart around. i got an opening right as the light turned yellow, and man did i give them one heck of a "yousuckyousuckyousuck" glare

my mom texted me = hey luke, just come to the show and we'll just see if you can get in without a badge

good news. i go to my perfect unusually close free parking spot and head over to the show. my mom tells me to meet her in the lobby (mayer is singing his little heart out in a small ballroom at a hotel. he does that i guess)

i get to the lobby, filled with people. tons of people. cant stand in one place without getting pushed around. ridiculous. i say to myself, out loud, "you should probably just call her luke, seriously good luck finding her. then you should find a bathroom....soon"

oh even better, no cell reception. at this point, i'm almost convinced that God doesn't want me to see a john mayer concert tonight. so i start seeing if there's anything else i could do since i'm there. i look around and see 2 trombone players soloing with a jazz band, and it sounded like two manatees trying to pass a kidney stone. on the verge of throwing the closest thing in reach, my little mom pokes her head around the corner

so here we go, up the escalator. a gruesome sight. literally maybe 2 hundred people in line to see our mayer buddy. my mom, with the utmost confidence, walks right past everyone. i hear some random comments

*what the heck?*
*what are they doing?*
*hey you have to wait in line!*
*i like that guys jacket, its so nice*

after adjusting my coat a little bit, we get to the front and my mom pretty much pulled some magic "mom strings" and got me in. she escorted me to my seat, and in a room of about 250 people, phil keaggy along with several other artists opened for my man john

then he came up, sat down, and sang to me, my parents, and a few other people in the room

it was fantastic

and all the horses and all the kings men, couldnt get me an extra namm badge

yesterday my mom texted me at work while i was working at my job at work, and asked me if i wanted to go see this little guy named john mayer.

let me explain some things.

1! - every year there is a convention at the anaheim convention center called "namm"

2! - my parents go every single year, and this year was no exception

3! - you cant just buy a badge, its kind of hard to get in

4! - they have private concerts every year for nammies that only allow nammies

5! - i have a badge every year

6! - its happening this week, thursday through sunday

with that understood, my mom was actually inviting me to a private concert that he was having for all nammies. so yea, i said yea to my mom on the phone i told her i would go

some more fun facts

1! - didn't have my badge yet, have to pick it up from will call, i'm still at work and its 445, will call closes at six, i still have to go home and change. ah! so i run home, or drive actually, and change and set my course for the namm show

2! - traffic blows. friday afternoon, 5 o'clock going north? i'm not some traffic predicting genius, how was i supposed to know. turns out most of the traffic was some teenage girl sitting in her not-running car in the middle lane without her hazards on. you should have seen that glare i gave her, oh man she was put in her place

3! - i still don't have insurance. thats goal number 2 for today. so i'm stop and go traffic, and some looser runs into me. i look in my mirror and he's just covering up his mouth shaking his head. it hit my car pretty bad, but i just didn't want to deal with this right now.

and apparently neither did he. he took off in the next lane making a run for it. now there is no way that someone is going to get away like that in my book, and i have an all terrain vehicle, so i set my sights and chased that little tard with all my driving skills. he was no match and i got him to pull over in minutes.

but it didn't take minutes, it took like, 30 minutes just to get over because of traffic. finally we're in a parking lot and i get out and this was my conversation with him

"hey whats the deal man"
"i'm so sorry! oh my gosh, i am so sorry! i just put on my brakes and slid into you!" (does slide motion with arm)
"ok, well lets see what you did" (i look at my tailhitch and look at his front bumper. nothing on my car, a bit scraped up on his)
"oh my car is a piece of s***, dont worry about my car. are we cool? are we cool?"
"well there's no damage on my car, you don't care about your car, and i need to leave. you drive like an idiot, your so damn lucky that it was me you ran into because anyone else would be ruining you right now. get out of here and stop being retarded when you drive"
"thank you so much man oh my gosh thank you"
"yea whatever just stop running into people"

and i left

4! - oh look at that its freakin 615 and i'm stuck in traffic and i'm not even close to namm


to be continued.....

later today.....

time to set some standards

alright me and my friend dave, (please visit his blog soon, its a fantastic read) have decided to start investing some time and point out flaws in todays pizza buying culture

every time that pizza is involved in any situation where i am present, i will assess the situation and determine how successful the pizza selection is

so lets start off with what happened last night

got home from crave last night, and matt, tyler and kenzie had ordered pizza. lets see how they did

pizza brand: dominos
number ordered: 2
crust type: the original
parmesan cheese provided: yes
real pizza's (pizza with pepperoni): 0
others: 2
pepperoni percentage: 0%
other percentage: 100%
event grade: complete failure. f-

pizza without pepperoni = cheese pizza
pizza with sausage = pizza with pepperoni and sausage
pizza without pepperoni but with ham and lettuce = pizza with ham and lettuce
pizza without pepperoni but with ham, pineapple, sausage, bell peppers, jalapenos, onions, cucumbers and olives = immediate deportation out of america

if there was a slice of pepperoni pizza and a hundred cheese slices, you bet your booty that i'm eating only one slice of pizza

there is nothing foolish about carrying a cooler with emergency sticks of pepperoni to an event

alright here's what i want to know. whens the last time you ate pizza, where was it from and how many slices of pepperoni did you have

secret cleavage

turns out i'm horrible at guessing the age of young children

i said this one kid was 5, turns out he just turned 1

thought this one girl was 8, she was 3

sorry for being the youngest in the family and never ever ever dealing with kids ever

sorry banana, i tried

i dont like em. i dont hate them either

pros and cons of bananas

pro - easily the most fun you could have with a fruit
con - feels disgusting when your eating them
pro - bananas are funny
con - babies love bananas and love grossing everyone out by making a mess of it
pro - comes standard with sport grip
con - is it fuzzy? what is up with the texture of the edible part?
pro - essential ingredient in smoothies
con - essential ingredient in making me vomit
pro - throwing a banana at someone is always hilarious
con - the banana bits that were left over from our banana fight wont come off the kitchen cabinets

i feel like bananas are like the show happy days. i like the idea of it, but in all reality i really cant stand it. yea it was kind of funny, but honestly the show was totally lame, the only good points were;
a. the theme song
b. fonzie
c. weezers music video for buddy holly

no way someone would just ride around town jumping crap with their harley

maybe i'm being to harsh and i need to focus on the health aspects of a banana. if your thinking that, then i refer you to my article about a typical breakfast for me

jerk fonz always talking in third person, still in the top 3 best things about happy days

alright people, heres the deal
whats your least favorite fruit, and whats your least favorite nick-at-night show

just one thing

i woke up and wrote this on my window. it faces the street and all the other houses

if i had a camel, i would name it cameleeah (prounounced - "camel-lee-ah")