some guys i take serious tell me your a serious guy

at least once a week i mispronounce realty

today at lunch at work, we ran into the subway because the rain was pouring down so hard. we ate, and were walking to the van when johnny realized he locked the keys inside. we got in the back section with all the tools and attached a magnet to a long pole and barely snagged the keys. took 30 minutes but we got it. if anyone happened to be driving by the subway on avery and margarite, they would have seen two electricians screaming and jumping and fist pumping in joy. several high fives were given

drunk people are funny
drunk people at my house are funny
drunk people dancing at my house is funny
drunk people falling when dancing at my house is funny
drunk people holding my bed hostage when i want to go to bed at 1 am because i have work in the morning is not funny
but a little funny nonetheless

i walked to pavilions, found a deal on those big jugs of arizona iced tea. i grabbed 5 and was walking to the register with them all piled in my arms and saw every lane packed with people. i walked to the express lane and 3 people cut in front of me. i turned around and a lady let me go in front of her. i was in and out in 4 minutes. the way i figure it, if you look pathetic enough people will let you cut in line. i now live by that principle

never forget

the following seemingly useless powers could have really come in handy today

1. the super power to create a mix cd that i'll still like tomorrow
2. the super power to see if a lighting fixture is crooked the first time i put it up
3. the super power to not procrastinate on the things my mom tells me to do. i know mom, i need insurance
4. the super power to not be terrified of the rat skull that poked out of the hole i cut in the drywall
5. the super power to know where my tape measurer is at all times
6. the super power to identify a piece of medal as harmless or a razor sharp tool of satan
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just to let you know, electrical tape is the electricians spider man band-aid

i put the skull in the office. your welcome pete

express my inner retail skills

lets just get down to brass tax here. i worked at express on friday for the first time. no training, no past retail experience. i didn't/dont even know how to properly fold those shirts. but they needed help on black friday and my room mate chase andre asked if i could come in and work. so i did. here's some scoops from the day

hi can i help you find something?
yes, do you know if you carry the wrinkle free MX1 button ups? (that hiss noise you make when you breath in) ....ummmm...yea...i...dont think so dont know. well can i talk to someone who does know?
yea sure-chase!- yea, i'll get someone over-chase!getoverherepleasechase- yea ill find someone

well what size would you wear?
well, personally i would probably wear the medium, but is the man your buying this for on the smaller side, or is he built pretty well?
well he is skinny but is muscular hahaha!
right. ok maam, then i would go with the medium
can you, can you hold this up to yourself?
yea sure, here
yea i like that. you look good in that
wait what
i like this, it brings out your eyes. hmmmm it looks good
wait what
yea i'll take that

hey luke, you can go on your 15
ok great
+stand around in the back room for 5 minutes+
luke, are you already done with your break?
yea. i was bored. i'll just keep working
when are you off?
no idea
when did you come in
when do you want to be off
dont care
your hired

i dont know if i'll ever work there again, but we'll see
but if anyone wants 30% off their express purchase, let me know. i'll hook you up. employee discount :)

merry thanksgiving

hey everyone
its november 22nd and you know what that means

means your mom is telling you to put up your christmas list

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so i started thinking about what i want for christmas and my first thoughts were:
1. power tools
2. home depot gift card
3. groceries
4. independence day
5. soap

but lets think about this, thats what i need. what do i really want?
1. 8X10 bass cab
2. million dollars
3. high paying easy job
4. another copy of jurassic park and independence day
5. soaps

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my young christmas lists looked alot like this
1. remote controlled truck or something really cool like that
2. tons of lame video games
3. doritos
4. skateboard stuff!
5. jurassic park on vhs

as a kid i would always shop around and find my mom the best prices, and where to shop because i thought that would help her save money or something like that. i would have my own budget and everything. but now that i think about it, i would pick like 12 things from 12 different stores that definately were not close to each other. my mom would probably see my list and think "jeez luke, your so freakin picky and you didnt even calculate tax stupid"

i'm always awkward when opening gifts because i dont express (i work at express come friday) joy very well, outwardly. i have to convince people that i liked their gift by reminding them for weeks that i use it everyday. i didnt know receiving a gift is so demanding

now back to eating left overs, merry thanksgiving everyone!

i'm inventing new ways to be retarded

alternater is out on the xterra. suck it nissan

i'm sick for various reasons, but probably one focused reason.

i took a shower in thirty seconds this morning, then ran down the stairs, grabbed my tools and jumped in my friend nikki's car (on account of stupid xterraz, she volunteered to bring me to work). the second i sat down in the car, i realized how obnoxiously sick i was/am. riding in the workvan, on the way to our first job, i puked in the trashcan we keep between the seats.
got to the house, could barely stand. the guy i was working with said i should go home. but i was in tustin

i have one hell of a room mate and friend
tom came all the way out to tustin and picked me up without asking for anything
got home and slept till 4pm
woke up and ate the following things in this order
1. ruffles ranch chips
2. french bread pizza
3. more chips
4. mountain dew
5. water
6. orange
7. apple
as you can tell i started becoming intelligent near the end

now i'm watching discovery channel and science channel because its the best way to make myself feel like i'm still being productive as i sit on the computer thinking about how much stuff i can't do

i'm going a little insane

catch this, tom hanks

there are only a few feelings stronger in my life then my love for vanilla coke

i was at work the other day and watched a pool cleaner for a good 10 minutes. if the guys knew i was doing this, they'd probably get a little pissed. but i was fascinated by how relaxing it seemed to just brush the bottom of a pool with an abnormaly long brush

i dont care what that commercial says, visa is not faster then cash

crows are the road runners of orange county

there are two types of bassist - the ones that play and the ones biased against people who play bass

my porch is disgusting. its messy, dirty, wrappers and bottles everywhere, a wheelchair just hangin out along with my mountain bike and two speakers that are pretty big and blocking the doorway. we are officially the white trash of ladera ranch and it feels great

dear zack from allison and luke

dear zack

i offically named our band in my head. its zack attack. you're welcome

i love you because we share a love for matchbox twenty

your sense of humor challenges my sarcasm to a whole new level or douchebagness

your subtle hatred of allison is always hilarious but contagiously awkard

i'm sorry for telling dominick that you stole his book

i'm not sorry at all, since you did, in fact, steal it

but i do think you are nice

and you smell nice

and i think that you are funny

i love that you are such an easy get when it comes to your musical tastes

i'm really excited for the day that the Lord unveils your love for Africa...

thanks for letting us be a part of the band...we've really enjoyed it

and i didn't even notice that you didn't have your capo in the right place

but i did notice that the harmonies didn't sound quite right

you know what else is not quite right?: the lord of the rings soundtrack

i did notice the improper capo placement and good thing i had a music conscience german by my side

whoever said germans didnt have good balance obviously havent seen dominick play monkey ball

making snyde comments about kids that cant play baseball out loud with you wasn't life changing, but definately something i'll remember in two weeks

lets start a train/matchbox twenty/sum 41 cover band

word association fees

jackhammer - peter gabriel
bees wax - not yours, inc.
goosebumps - rl stine
abercrombie - LFO
camp cucomonga - phobia
sherman - oaks
hepatitus - wal mart
osirus - billy ray

butcher - i married an axe murderer
stripes - zebra gum
frozen - yogurt
sport grip - waterbottle/David Hughes
dollywood - beverly hillbillies
emilio estevez - mighty ducks
red bush - tasty
night fever - mark reinhardt

berries - twig
mitsubishi - galant
gold - bond
wonderful - i hate allison
seven - severed head
archery - gay
trident - gum
clap - spotted dick

thunder - suns of
maroon - five
australia - howie day
forefathers - abe lincoln
tap-dancing - gay
facial hair - testoterone
second base - chair
shocker - wichita state
purple indian - innocent

David M. Hughes:
knickers - grandma
flag - stephen colbert
color guard - yuck
scooby doo - eh
blink-182 - effing awesome
onomonopoeia - bzzz
retriever - perfection
ghost - the movie signs

America - fifty one states
Hasselhoff - best friends "bff"
spandex - work-out
black people - (thinking, thinking...) (still thinking...) Africa
dragon - ball z
pizza - tony
game cube - beating eveybody
velvet elvis - in luke's pocket

co-written by allison hibbard

its true, but i have to take a break from activities and say some things

girls - dont play ductball if you arent going to commit. sitting around first base playing a harmonica? really?

guys with girlfriends - dont play ductball if you arent going to commit. sitting around your girl while she plays horrible horrible horrible harmonica? really? i'm sure there's some commitee that i can talk to to get your status changed from male to vagina

when german people freak out, its nothing less then absolutely hilarious

i have an eagle on my sleeptime shirt to ward off all the terrorist ghosts. no osama bin ghost laden in my house, i tell you what

This part is written by Allison Hibbard...since a co-authored blog was promised.
I really wish that I were as capable of "stream of consciousness" blogging as Luke is.
I just typed "clogging" when I was trying to write "blogging"...which I also wish I were capable of clogging...because, honestly, how sweet would that be? If I could clog really nicely, that would be a skill that I would put on my resume.
I'd also like to be a logger. Well, that's not true...I would really hate to be a logger, because then I would have to live in the woods and probably cook with a wood-burning fire...though I would be really strong, but I would have very few places to dress up and show off my phenomenally cut arms.
Nothing else ryhmes with blogger, so I guess my work here is done.

now back to luke
i took 1000 m-grams of vitamin C, plus 3 halls defense tablets with 100% daily vitamin C content in every little delicious treat, and a thing of airborne that has 1000 m-grams of vitamin C yesterday. my future. if you dont want to read that i'll sum it up - i can get the one thing that i fear above all other ailments in the world. there is nothing i'm scared more of (thats right, cancer - nope. aids? - nope. blindness? not a disease but nope)

kidney stones

and also if i'm pregnant, i'm a few thousand short of causing my unborn fetus to have rebound scurvy which pretty much means that when they stop getting that much vitamin C, they get scurvy

but who cares. kidney stones??

suck it oranges. i'm on to you

an announcemente

this weekend, for the first time ever, i will be co-writing a blog with allison hibbard

i dont know what we're going to write about
i dont know if it'll be good
i dont know why my elbows wont touch behind my back
i dont know why straws are so gross to me

but get ready
people get ready...

this had to wait, but its here

heres the key so you can understand the following story=
trim - the piece of a can light that you can see, that makes it look nice
ugo face - means the lady gave one of those obviously disgusted "are you serious?" faces
sigh - outword expression of frustration given by me
yelling - not actual outward yelling, just me screaming at the top of my mind-voice
laugh? - that loud awkward laugh that you can never really understand whats the reason for it, done by lady

so we're all at this job (i'm at work, and "we" is everyone i work with and job is something you do for money) and basically the lady there is being ridiculous. changing her mind all the time and not making sense. here are a few excerpts from the day

i'm on a ladder about to cut a hole for one canlight that we talked with the lady for 45 minutes about where it should be. this is the second one a little down the hall from a dresser that we put another can light over. she went with our suggestion finally
"so do you think this is enough light for my dresser?"
"well, yes maam. you have a can light directly over the dresser. it doesnt get much better then that"
ugo face
"well is that light your putting up going to help get more light over here?"
"well, a little bit, its a little to far to do to much though. but it's not really an issue because you still have the light directly over the dresser"
"well why do i want a light there anyway? its practically in the hall"
" said you wanted one here"
"ok, if you think this is enough light then i trust you. your the professionals"
"ok great, i'll get this going then"
---2 minutes later, right after i cut the hole---
"you know what, i change my mind. i want it closer to the dresser, i dont think there will be enough light"

next one
i'm on a ladder again, i know i hang out on ladders to much, just finished putting a trim in on the final can. we're cleaning up, and this is the last thing pretty much. i'm just wiping the fingerprints off of it. she walks in
"oh are you done?"
"yes actually, this is what it will look like"
ugo face
"really? your-your done? thats what it's going to look like?"
"...yea. this is the trim we showed you"
+flashback in my head to the hour spent trying to figure out what she wanted, and how happy she was about this one specific trim+
"but your done? like, theres nothing else your putting over that?"
" this is it"
ugo face
"well i dont like that at all!"
"but this is what you said you wanted"
"i dont like the look of that at all! are you sure?"
"yes. i'm sure. we're all sure. positive actually"
ugo face
"well i dont know about that"

it was a fun day