Refinery Episode 1

Camera slowly zooms out of a manly yet conservative mustache. slowly reveals taylor ishii standing in all his glory at the entrance to the majestic, urban, kind-of-reminds-me-of-a-tank, building which we like to call....


our hero, taylor, is working tonight, also known as "ishii-ing". his job is to generally rule the refinery and make sure the hooligans don't wreck the place.

crave has just finished and the always incredibly indecisive college-ins are beginning the discussion of "where to go now"

typical crave guy (TCG, but not typical college guy, they are completely different) - "we should go to in-n-out"

girl 1 - "no, we went last week. lets go to sushi! i know a place. we should go there because i'm familiar with it"

girl 2 - "but by the time we finish discussing this and leave it will probably be closed. hahahaha!!"

all three together - "lol!!"

taylor looks at camera and rolls his eyes in typical taylor fashion

mute math - "the typicaaaaaallll"

meanwhile every other person in the refinery is having pretty much the exact same discussion, so lets go upstairs

taylor looks at camera - "here let me show you my crib"

camera does weird repeat shot thing that always makes luke sick

luke - "yea it does"

upstairs we see ping pong tables, billiard tables, pool tables, pocket billiard tables, spa tables, regular tables, fable tables, maple tables, coffee tables, oak tables, end tables, pizza tables, poker tables, joker tables, black jack tables, flap jack tables, weird high tables that are part of a beam of some sort tables, glass tables on top of car tire tables, and chairs.

2 hours later

Oh no! the crave people are yet to decide on anything at all!

TCG - "so, i still think we should hit up in-n-out"

girl 1 - "no way! lets get sushi, i haven't had sushi in so long!"

girl 2 - "hahaha, its closed now! how funny is that?!?"

group - "lol!!"

david - "lets get poolside, right now"

just then we hear a trumpet, a guitar, and that weird fat guitar thingy that i think is a bass, play that song that is usually at the beginning of spanish movies

taylor - "they have come. they have come to play soccer. and holy crap they have jerseys"

yes, taylor is correct. all the workers that he invited to play a pick-up game of soccer have come. camera pans across every one of them, all wearing mexico jerseys, all with thick burly mustaches, and all with generations of naturally skilled soccer skills in their blood. these are the men that play soccer

and these are also the men that love destroying young college-ins at their national past time.

taylor needs a team. and fast! what are his options??

1. ask crave-ers to play
pro- people on the team
con= it'll take them another 2 hours to decide if they even want to start thinking about maybe playing

2. play by himself
pro - he can start the game and maybe only lose by 40 points
con- years of counseling to convince himself that he knows how to actually play soccer

3. cancel the game
pro - no game, no worries
con- angry mexican workers staring him down for the rest of his years, and constant jokes made in spanish

4. run away
pro- get to live in florida
con- have to live in florida

everyone in the refinery - "ewwwww!!!!"

oh what will the iish do??

tune in next time to

crave episodes!

i mean...



yazz said...

ahh!! i remember crave episodes. this one is awesome. i mean THE REFINERY: awesome.

bri brockman said...

luke, this is weird.

Josh(ua) Treece said...

I can't wait to live in the Metallicastle and write thousands of these...

Mark Dodd said...

bri brockman can suck on an egg.

Travis said...

Hahaha this was completely accurate in every way. I'm glad the episodes are back. Can we actually film this??? please