these fell out of my mustache

my life got about 85% more frustrating when my cat realized it could sit in my lap when i am using my computer

when i saw the shamwow commercial, i actually said out loud "holy s***"


me and tom decided to drive to mt baldy the other night. on the way, after realizing traffic exists on the 91 (its rare), we decided to visit a friend working at a church out there, which led to working and helping him out. after about 45 minutes of setting up AV equipment, we decided to leave and get food. we traveled 45 minutes to go work for free and eat chick fill a. worth it

my sister ange was making guacamole a while ago. she used more than just avocados. i learned that day that guacamole is complicated

whats up dream car. it's a dodge rampage. it just sounds so intense


i wonder at what age did i realize that the big stall is a handicapped stall. it couldn't have been before 18

when i'm engaged, i think i'll fake being paralyzed for a little bit. just to see if my fiance will wipe my tush. if she does, then i marry her. if she refuses, then it was never meant to be

my other goal for my wedding day is to make every man woman and child at the ceremony to cry when i read my vows. but the thing is, i need to make sure i don't cry when saying them. so i need to prepare. i figure the best way to prepare is like this-

1st step - watch armageddon and not cry at the end
2nd step - read the end of "where the red fern grows" to my mom and not cry
3rd and final step - watch puppies get put to sleep and not cry

after all that, i should be a hollow shell of a human being, which is perfect for my new bride

if church had longer, better, softer carpet, i bet more people would come. church carpet always sucks. lets get some brown shag up in there and see what happens