dreaming when i was napping

just wanted to explain this dream i just had really quick

so me and my family went to a gas station market that served ice cream when we were on vacation in the middle of the desert

i saw the ice cream part when i came in, and it was the a magnificant thing. i wanted ice cream so bad, but i had to go get some other things first

1. drill bits
2. an energy drink
3. shoes

then my family left but ange had gotten me some. it was a custom blend

i took a bite, and i swear this was the combination of taste

chocalate chip cookie dough (CCCD)
blue gushers

i was pissed, but satisfied. that just goes to show

1. dont trust sisters with ice cream
2. dont be distracted by more necessary purchases when ice cream is in the bicture
3. always have ice cream in the house in case you wake up from a dream with a creaving (dangn't)

sunkist during a wedding

this is my opinion, but i think i'm right so i'm going to go for it

1. children should not be brought to weddings
a. no reason for them to be there (they arent going to remember)
b. they always make noise (farts/burps/cries/laughs/giggles/yells/holla's)
c. they are always moving because they are never comfortable because they are always annoying

2. poems during weddings are NEVER GOOD NO MATTER WHO WROTE THEM
a. seriously, never meaningful because reading a poem is gay
b. listening to a poem sucks
c. poems are totally cheese

3. if you have your wedding outdoors, dont do it on 95 degree weather day
a. everyone hates sweating, so during your wedding everyone is just thinking "its so hot, this sucks" instead of "wow this is pretty emotional"
b. the sun is always somehow in everyones eyes
c. no one likes the sweaty pits

these things had to be said. but also these things

1. my mom was crying before she even got out of the car to walk up to the wedding
2. there were goats within a stones throw of my seat
3. i danced alot at the reception. this is a big deal.

making lists mean your right

lets just experiment on the vegans

my new driving game: if i see someone driving and texting at the same time, i will pull out a fog horn (because my current horn was lost in off roading incident #27), honk and weave at them. i predict i can get at least one cell phone tossed out the window by the 3rd attempt

milk crates seem to always come in handy

there was a dog at this one house i worked at that had a growth hanging from his side about the size of a pickle. i named him "tumey"

i have a book on my nightstand by michael chrichton named "prey". i find its the best way to remind me to talk with God more

painting my room wasnt nearly as fun as everyone said it'd be

moving mattresses is always funny to me

of all the times i moved, the only ones i remember were the ones where it was raining. that just makes me think el nino struck every time my family wanted to relocate

fish flies and banana cream pies make los lonely boys sing and cry

strobing piranhas tackle bears maliciously in winter

blanket basket beaving understands negative corrosive responses

nokia shoots blanks in the dark

killer john travolta questionaire

i dont know why i forgot about this until a few days ago, but i decided to talk about it for a bit.

when i was in the ER for my lip (that guy that jumped me in the shower with a cleaver. reference article picture "local man fends off knife attack with teeth"), i was shown something that i totally thought was a joke and wasnt real

i bring you......the pain chart



oh yea. this is legitamate. the nurse asked me how much it hurt, and when i said "kind of alot, but not really", she felt it an appropriate time to wip out the chart

she gave it to me and i made alot of comments (but she couldnt understand because my lip was the size for a delicious strawberry)

alot of my comments were sarcastic, but the train of thought went like this


whats this

are you serious. well i dont feel better than those 3 for sure, so i'm probably that guy

but my pain isnt that bad. so i'm going to have to say my pain level number is about here

so...what. is this what i look like

i'm a somewhat frown face, maybe a little smug, with a 3 - 3.1 rating of pain

but my eyebrows are way bigger than that

here's your chart back. i didnt know a 5 year old could draw all 10 levels of pain. was this made the year before he learned how to color?


after that, she sent me back into the lobby to wait. i guess my frown wasnt that bad. but if you know me, you know i can make a pretty crazy frown. it would probably be this on the chart

you walk into the ER with that face, good luck on NOT getting immediate medical attention