if peeing your pants is cool, consider me greg vail

every night as i get into bed, i get to see every pokemon character in creation. my sheets are pokemon sheets. why do i not get new ones? because i can't convince myself that spending the money is worth it. so until then, hello pokemon sheets

flys aren't scary. they really aren't. they are small and not intimidating. but one of those little buggers get near your ear without you looking, and it will freak you out to no end

on my deathbed, my final request will be that greg vail admit to me that he started playing sax because of the bodyguard soundtrack

i was at disneyland the other day and came to a realization. parades are gay. end of story

went to a baseball game the other day. kimmy gibbler sang the national anthem. i was the only one in the whole stadium that realized who she was

i was in line in the express lane at the store. woman in front of me has over 30 items, pays with cash and check, and has coupons, and is very elderly definitely did not speak english. i have incredible patience for these kinds of things but i couldn't help but laugh out loud at how long it all took. everyone else found no humor in the situation. i almost said "the express line 15 items or less, unless you don't speak english apparently" but sass was never my strong point